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The ABCs of Trump

Posted by Gail Barth on

In the country’s history of presidents past, we have certainly had our share of catch-phrases, words, and sayings made famous by these mostly illustrious men (and, yes, they’ve ALL been men). For example, Lincoln gave us “A house divided against itself cannot stand” as he referenced the North/South conflict. “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself” was courtesy of Franklin Roosevelt. Truman established the chain of command and acceptance of presidential responsibility with “The buck stops here.” Kennedy left an impressive legacy of famous phrases and quotes, most notably “Ask not what your country can do for you—ask what you can do for your country.” Reagan is remembered for many of these, some less enlightened than others, but most everyone will remember “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!”

Of course, we had exceptions to the power and eloquence of past presidential words. Richard Nixon famously said, “When the president does it, that means that it is not illegal,” a sentiment not only proven false by his ousting, but one currently being echoed by an equally clueless, classless and unethical president. “I did not have sexual relations with that woman” was Bill Clinton’s contribution to the catalog of unfortunate verbal missteps that accompanied equally unfortunate presidential misdeeds. And yet—and yet—nothing in the historical records of past presidential crass stupidity can even begin to rival what we’re looking at today. As future generations look back at the words of the current president, they will read into them not only a condemnation of the incredibly stupid man who said them, but also a condemnation of the people who put him in office. I could begin listing the thousand points of idiocy here, but, thanks to thorough media coverage and Trump’s total lack of a filter no matter where he is, we’re all pretty familiar with the worst of his idiotic ramblings. Whether he’s speaking to thousands of Boy Scouts in a captive audience, waxing ineloquently in an interview, or incessantly tweeting during his morning poop with his pants around his ankles, Trump continues to verbally taint the Office, sort of like the possessed kid in The Exorcist uncontrollably spewing green pea soup vomit.

So, in the interest of attempting to make some of Trump’s less profane but still overused words and expressions useful, I’ve put them in the context of a primer of sorts. Maybe this can help salvage a little dignity from the toxic trash heap that is Donald Trump's mouth. To that questionable end, I give you:


The ABCs of Trump 

All the best people begins with an ‘A.’
Believe me, our ‘B’ phrase, is far and away
Much better than ‘C,’ which is now covfefe,
So we drain the swamp, which, of course, is our ‘D.’
Everyone says starts off great with an ‘E;’ 
Fake news is our ‘F’ word (not that one, trust me).
Grab by the pussy leads off with a ‘G;’
He’s a great guy starts with ‘H,’ you’ll agree.
I have a good brain is the letter I’s mission;
‘J’ is for Jews who control politicians.
‘K is for Kelley who bleeds from wherever;
‘L is for losers who pledge support never.
Let’s make America great once again,
While far from the truth, is at least letter ‘M.’ 
Nobody knows more about it than me
Is the sad letter ‘N’ wishing folks would just see.
Out of control is the ‘O’ we detect,
And ‘P’ is for pesky politically correct.
‘Q’ is one-half the IQ he has claimed,
But ‘R’ is for refugees he has disdained.
Something terrific gives us letter ‘S,’
But total disaster is ‘T,’ I would guess.
‘U’ is for ugly, which Trump says a lot;
‘V’—very strong—which his ethics are not.
‘W’ is the wall he promised for show;
‘X,’ his xenophobia, so massive, you know.
‘Y’ is for yuuuge, which does not mean his hands,
Zero collusion is ‘Z’ for his fans.
So there, little tykes, are your Trump ABCs.
I hope that your knowledge increases with these.
But if you use more than this small bit of Trump,
I fear your IQ will go down with a thump.


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