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Step Two: MAGIC!

Posted by Rob Mania on

I want to talk about the Equal Pay Measure. I don’t want to get into the ethics of it, that’s thoroughly been covered elsewhere. Here is what it actually is.

First, it is not a law, in the sense that it started as a bill on Capitol Hill and was passed by a vote. It’s an executive order set by Obama. The plan was to have an anonymous database of race and gender for every large company, so that data could be analyzed and used as concrete evidence of the wage and race pay gap getting larger or smaller.

The plan wasn’t perfect, and it would indeed be an expensive and time-consuming layer of bureaucracy. But it was the best way Obama could come up with to address the serious, ongoing issue of the wage gap between white men and everyone who is not a white man.

But Republicans’ plan was pretty simple:

  1. Do nothing.
  2. Magic!
  3. The wage gap disappears.

Which brings me to my main point: Every major policy that conservatives (business or religious) and Republicans give us, the second step is always “MAGIC!” Never mind that they don’t work compared to liberal policies, they stick by them. Here is an in-no-way-complete list of policies that Republicans keep on giving us. 

  1. Cut taxes for the rich.
  2. MAGIC!
  3. Rich people create opportunities which create jobs. 
  1. Do nothing about climate change, pull out of the Paris Accords.
  2. MAGIC!
  3. The U.S. leads the way on climate change through private initiatives.
  1. Cut the IRS funding which means fewer accountants
  2. MAGIC!
  3. Rich people are more honest paying taxes.
  1. Cut Medicaid and gut major parts of the ACA (Obamacare).
  2. MAGIC!
  3. Insurance rates, hospital bills, and drug prices go down.
  1. Focus on recreational and medicinal marijuana that has been legalized at the state level
  2. MAGIC!
  3. No one uses drugs. Ever. No one overdoses on painkillers. Ever.
  1. Cut comprehensive sex ed in school and replace it with abstinence-only indoctrination
  2. MAGIC!
  3. Teen pregnancy and STI rates go down.
  1. Republicans cut $128 billion to fund security at U.S. Embassies world wide.
  2. MAGIC!
  3. Benghazi is Hillary’s fault. 
  1. Cut net neutrality’s balls off.
  2. MAGIC!
  3. The internet will be the fastest in the world, and continue to be a font of free-flowing exchange of ideas.
  1. Cut funding to Planned Parenthood.
  2. MAGIC!
  3. Women never have abortions and have nothing but healthy, loved, and wanted babies that they can afford to raise.
  1. Deregulate banks.
  2. MAGIC!
  3. We never have recessions or market crashes again.
  1. Build a wall on the Mexican Border, and have Mexico pay for it.
  2. MAGIC!
  3. No illegal immigrants will ever take jobs from hard-working blue collar Americans again.
  1. Pull funding for public education, after school programs, Head Start, etc.
  2. MAGIC!
  3. Everyone gets a good education and lifts themselves out of poverty.

And of course….

  1. Give more money to the military
  2. MAGIC!
  3. Be accused of spending less money on the military.


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