- Make easily disprovable claims about how many people watch him on TV or in person
- When asked what he and his daughter have in common, say, “sex!”
- Say, “corporations are people too!”
- Sing “Bomb Iran!” to the tune of “Barbara Ann.”
- Demand loyalty from the lawyer who could prosecute him.
- Live down even the rumor, even if it were started on Twitter by The Onion, that there is a tape of him being pissed on by Russian hookers.
- Have his ex-wife write a novel where the main character’s husband buys her a fur coat…then fucks her and comes on the coat.
- Accuse the other side of holding military pay hostage so he can get his preferred immigration plan.
- Spend $24 million upgrading the refrigerators on Air Force One.
- Tell a member of the Secret Service to fetch him a diet coke.
- Take a fucking ton of golf trips. Like, he just went on one while I wrote this.
- Played golf 45 times in one year, at a cost to the taxpayer of $50 million.
- Had his wife live separately from him, at taxpayer expense, of course.
- Refer to his home in Florida as “The Winter White House.”
- Try to brag that taxpayers will take home a whopping dollar fifty a week more because of his tax plan.
- Call a protester a son of a bitch.
- Have an affair and pay $130,000 to keep it quiet.
- Promise someone $130,000 to keep quiet…and not pay her.
- Eat at a restaurant that serves shark fin soup. Even if he doesn’t eat the soup or know it was on the menu.
Other commentaries by Rob Mania:Questions for Conservatives
Trump, the ShitHead
Tweet Attack: Winter is Coming-err, Here!
Evil Optimum and Dead Net Neutrality
I Got Moore For Christmas!