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How to Destroy the USA’s Reputation in Three Easy Steps (And How to Recover It)

Posted by Mattie S. Cooper on




STEP ONE:

Elect the dimmest, most insensitive sociopath in the history of humanity to America’s highest office.

STEP TWO:
Let this senile narcissist visit the United Nations.

STEP THREE:
Allow this dotard (yes, it’s an actual word) to say whatever is on his lame excuse for a mind to this august international body, insulting other world leaders and threatening a nuclear holocaust.


    Step one needs no explanation. Or perhaps it does—how do you explain nearly one-third of American voters displaying such poor judgment? The blame probably lies with our corporate-owned-and-operated mainstream media propaganda machine which did all it could to make this sociopath seem “acceptable” to the masses while hiding his many obvious flaws.

    Step two proves that our present American governmental system needs more checks and balances. We definitely could use some better “minders” for our dotard-in-chief, too. Some day he might just walk straight into the jet engines of Air Force One thinking they are the flight stairs. Oops.

    There is no real excuse for step three outside of a poorly plotted Seth Rogan comedy about an interview with a third world dictator or another “Team America World Police” movie featuring a new song that rivaling “I’m So Ronery” which was sung by a North Korean dictator puppet. (That is, not a political puppet but an actual marionette singing. Watch it here.

    Now that we’ve allowed our reputation to be utterly destroyed by an orange-faced buffoon, can the US recover its standing in the eyes of the world? Is there anything we can do as citizens to start this long process of becoming worthy of trust once more?

    First step, we must not let anything like this from ever happening again—we must never allow ourselves to be fooled, manipulated and outright lied into thinking a self-centered business-type has anyone else’s well-being in mind but his own, and we vote accordingly.

    Second step, we apologize for the ill-manners and insulting remarks the Dreamsicle dotard makes before the nukes start dropping and human life on this planet ceases to exist.

    If we take these steps, gradually our country’s reputation will improve. We might even be allowed to have our leader address the U.N. again some day without a lot of sniggering in the back row—provided we elect an actual human being next time. That’s the all important third step we need to take to regain our reputation—no more “joke candidates” for office. Threatening a nuclear winter just isn’t funny.

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