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Sean Hannity Did Not Borrow Your Dishes! (Also, They Were Broken When He Took Them)

Posted by Rob Mania on

There’s an old Jewish joke. You may have heard it before. A man borrows a set of dishes from his neighbor, brings them back broken. The neighbor knocks on the door to ask what’s wrong with him, and the man says, “First of all, I never borrowed those dishes; second, they were in one piece when I gave them back; in fact, when I gave them back to you, they were fine!”

Sean Hannity is now my Jewish neighbor.

Just to refresh your memory, Michael Cohen is Donald Trump’s lawyer, and he paid independent film actress Stephanie Clifford $130,000 of Cohen’s own money to keep an affair with Trump private when he was still a game show host. Now Sean Hannity’s name has been revealed as the third of the only three clients Cohen has.

Sean Hannity is insisting that he had a very small agreement with Cohen. In fact, it was no agreement. It was more like how every time you see your doctor friend at a party, you pull up your pant leg and have her take a look at your knee; it’s like when you have a comedian friend and you say, “he tell me a joke,” It’s totally normal, and totally not a big deal at all.

And also, that totally not a big deal and just a “Netflix and chill” relationship…is also completely protected by attorney-client privilege. So we shouldn’t ask, and there should be no reason to ever doubt that Sean’s vociferous defense of Cohen had much more to do with the lack of evidence against Trump, and nothing to do with the possibility of coincidentally finding something dirty about him.

After all, Hannity never gave Cohen a dime, so it’s more like two friends talking, except for the part where Hannity gave Cohen a sawbuck or two for five minutes of his time. If you’re scratching your head wondering where you heard that before, it might be because you saw scummy completely fictional lawyer Saul Goodman say to Walter White “put a dollar in my everything you say to me is protected under attorney-client privilege.” If you couldn’t figure this out on your own: billable attorney hours aren’t like ice cream—you don’t get a free sample.

If Hannity’s questions were “almost exclusively” about real estate, I have another theory, and it comes from Al Franken’s book, “The Truth (With Jokes). In one section of the book, Franken tries to counter conservative lies by making up stories that are complete lies. One such lie was this:

In 1993, utility workers repairing a gas line in the garden of Hannity’s Los Angeles-based home found a buried human hand missing its ring finger. Hannity denied any knowledge of the hand, and it couldn’t be conclusively linked to him. But questions remain.

Is it possible that Franken wasn’t lying after all? Could he really have known that Sean Hannity needed to find “real estate” to hide a body, and did he perhaps use an expensive ring to fund it? Questions still remain.

That last part was definitely a joke.

Other commentaries by Rob Mania:

Calling Bullshit (on my own side)
Why Is there no MPAA for the NRA? 
More Thoughts about the Parkland Shooting
Some Thoughts About The Shooting in Florida 
Never be the first to stop clapping


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