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What The Fuck Alabama? (Or, Maybe Not?)

Posted by Rob Mania on


 

I have one question for Doug Jones: Who are you?

I mean that literally. I know two things about Doug Jones. One, that he’s not Roy Moore, and two, that he’s also NOT the guy in the “Mac Tonight” commercial, who was also named Doug Jones. His qualifications for office include: Probably not being a hebephile (that’s an adult who is attracted to teens), And…being there?

Why is it that I know nothing about who Doug Jones is and what he stands for? I did a little research into why I know nothing about this man. The conclusion I came to is that if he was Tim Kaine in a hat and glasses, I wouldn’t notice.

Here is a sample of his web site:

I believe the United States of America is a land of laws, justice, freedom, equality, and opportunity.

It goes on….

Everyone has the right to quality, affordable health care.

We must restore Alabama’s trust for its elected leaders.

I will defend a woman’s right to choose and stand with Planned Parenthood.

All children deserve a first-class education regardless of where they live.

College must be affordable without burdening a student with overwhelming debt.

I believe in science and will work to slow or reverse the impact of climate change.

It is past time we raise the minimum wage to a livable wage.

Women must be paid an equal wage for equal work at all levels.

Voter suppression is unAmerican – we must protect voting rights.

Discrimination cannot be tolerated or protected. America is best when it builds on diversity and is welcoming of the contributions of all.

 

But, what has he done? Compare this to seasoned pro Chuck Schumer. His first two headlines:

 

12.06.17 SCHUMER, GILLIBRAND ANNOUNCE OVER $1.1 MILLION IN FEDERAL HEAD START AND EARLY HEAD START FUNDING FOR SCHOHARIE CHILD DEVELOPMENT IN SCHOHARIE COUNTY

12.06.17 SCHUMER, GILLIBRAND ANNOUNCE OVER $1.8 MILLION IN FEDERAL HEAD START AND EARLY HEAD START FUNDING FOR WAYNE COUNTY ACTION PROGRAM INC. IN THE FINGER LAKES REGION

 

BAM! Right there, he’s put $2.9 million dollars into New York State for Head Start, an initiative to help poor children in school. 

And his opponent? Judge Roy Moore’s web site starts: Judge Roy Moore is a life-long Alabamian and a committed constitutional conservative that has stood up for liberty and religious freedom his entire career.

Doug Jones’s web site lists zero accomplishments, no volunteer work, no endorsements, no newspaper headlines, nothing. The text of his web site is boring buzzword stuff that a college student would write as a sample portfolio to bring to a job interview.

By contrast, let’s take a look at Roy Moore’s web page. It starts by listing his education, career, and proves his credentials as a legitimate Alabaman. Here’s some points from his “positions” page that I personally think are dead wrong, but I have to admit he at least makes a credible case for:

I believe in the reduction of taxes at all levels, and a need to reform the tax system by studying and implementing a "flat tax" or a "fair tax," which is a tax on goods and services purchased instead of a tax on income.

Homosexuality should be against military policy as was the law prior to Bill Clinton.

We must remember that Israel is the United States' most important ally and partner in the Middle East and should reject agreements or policies that undermine Israel's security. We should pass the Taylor Force Act and move the U.S. Embassy to Jerusalem.

If you didn’t know any better, you’d think that was written about a decent human being who has some deeply held religious beliefs and a conservative economic policy. If all you did was look at the issues, Roy Moore resonates with the people of Alabama, and Doug Jones doesn’t. And if you took the viewpoint that newspaper and TV editors a thousand miles away were butting into your state’s election, wouldn’t you be inclined to tune them all out?

What Republicans seem to do right and Democrats always fail at, is having a 50-state strategy for the midterms and local elections, then having targeted message towards areas of the country that will move the needle in presidential elections. Maybe the people of Alabama would appreciate being more than a lost cause.

 

Other commentaries by Rob Mania:

Was it So Much To Ask...
The Disaster Artist President
The Lesson of 2011
Tweet Attack! Re: FoxNews

How to Win an Argument, if you’re Donald Trump
Don’t Panic. (Except... Do Panic)

 

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